Do you have Center Stage OR Backstage Baggage?

I have baggage.

You have baggage.

And that’s good news.

It means there’s something you can do to create the life you want. There’s something you can work on. There’s something you can change.

But first, you have to figure out where to focus.

That brings me to the two kinds of baggage: Center Stage Baggage vs. Backstage Baggage.

The baggage you see vs. the baggage you don’t.

Imagine you’re in the audience. You notice what’s happening on stage. But you can’t see all the people backstage who are moving sets, changing costumes, warming up, taking a potty break, putting on makeup — and every other thing that happens backstage.

Your attention is focused center stage instead of on the chaos and activity backstage.

First, Center Stage Baggage:

Sometimes we call it call it emotional baggage that comes from childhood experiences, past traumas, and past relationships.

With Center Stage Baggage you can pinpoint the “why.” You have a pretty good idea why you get triggered. There’s lots of unprocessed feelings stored inside your body. You see things differently now because of what happened in the past.

We often talk about people having baggage as if it’s the bad habits that get dragged into future relationships.

Like the baggage Miranda Lambert talks about in her awesome song, “Baggage Claim.”

So, if you just thought of a reason you have baggage, let’s call that Center Stage Baggage.

Here’s a story about mine.

A few years ago, my boyfriend told me I looked good in my yoga pants.

This led to me crying during my long commute to work. I was convinced he was a perv who sat around checking out coeds in yoga pants at the university where he worked.

I was convinced he was just telling me what he liked: hot ass in yoga pants. I knew this was just a red flag that told me to beware. Beware, this guy is also a cheater. And, young women are a threat.

I knew why I had the baggage. Being cheated on was center stage in my past.

I had loads of unprocessed fear, sadness, and betrayal.

This type of baggage popped up a lot. I had a lot to work through.

The first few years of our relationship were a clusterfuck of anxiety for me.

I had PTSD, so I could assign the baggage to the trauma of second divorce.

Lots of us have Center Stage Baggage. We can pinpoint the “why.”

BUT, what may be even more common, is Backstage Baggage.

It’s hidden from view.

Behind-the-scenes.

Unnoticed.

And it may also be from childhood experiences, past traumas, and past relationships.

But, you don’t call it baggage because you don’t know it’s there.

It’s made up of long held beliefs that remain unnoticed.

Unquestioned.

Your habitual thinking.

Stuff that’s so automatic, you can’t pinpoint it.

Sneaky little bastard thoughts.

The dust mites of your mind.

“Truths” you just attached yourself to.

Ingrained.

Often spoken by your snarky, judgy, inner voice.

In fact, this Backstage Baggage is the cause of your self-sabotage.

It looks like:

procrastination

underestimating your abilities

lashing out in a relationship to avoid being vulnerable

avoiding your feelings

being a perfectionist

selling yourself short

people pleasing

Backstage Baggage and its self-sabotaging thoughts lead to shitty relationships, shitty jobs, and unreached goals.

Here’s another story — one about my own Backstage Baggage.

It’s also about pants.

Last summer, someone said I “wore the pants in the family.”

They did not mean it in a nice way. And I didn’t take it as a compliment.

I felt defensive. I knew that feeling meant something was going on behind-the-scenes with me.

To my shock and horror, I realized part of me agreed that I “wore” them, and that it was bad. I started to beat myself up.

But then, I asked myself….

Do I want to keep thinking along gendered ideas of “pants?”

Do I believe the underlying assumption that one person is the leader of a family?

Do I believe a man should “wear the pants” and that it’s unfeminine if I do?

What is a leader?

What does wearing the pants even mean? Getting shit done? Talking? Making decisions? Having opinions?

After I uncovered this Backstage Baggage, I decided to focus on new thoughts.

I choose to think that my partner and I both lead, make decisions, have opinions, and contribute to the family in different ways.

And I realized one of the things I love best about myself — I get shit done.

Now, if I’m accused of wearing the pants in the family, my response will be “fuckin’ A!”

But, before I could gain this perspective, I had to uncover the Backstage Baggage I had about how women should act and be. And I guarantee I have loads more to uncover.

In my case, it was a matter of the pants I openly worried about vs. the pants I didn’t even know I was wearing.

I have worked through so much Center Stage Baggage and uncovered so much Backstage Baggage in my own life, I know I can help you with yours.

Here’s a freebie that can help get you started.

It’s a short worksheet called “Quick Tips to Liberate Yourself from Yourself.”

Do yourself a favor, and kick start your success by doing it. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll discover in about 10 minutes.

You can help yourself.

You can get there.

Free worksheet https://view.flodesk.com/pages/6058d6c96d040846141da43e