“Samantha” was happy to let me share her story, hoping it would help others. Her name has been changed.

Does having sex with your partner prevent cheating?

Samantha split from a long-time partner after he’d cheated on her numerous times. He’d get caught, apologize, then get caught again. When I started coaching her, they’d been apart for about a year and she was dating someone new.

She came to me because she knew Center Stage Baggage was affecting her current relationship. She had lots of unprocessed emotions related to her ex’s cheating. She was aware of the cause.

In her new relationship, she worried about porn. She knew her new partner had used it before.

She thought it was a form of cheating. She knew some women didn’t care about it, but she did. She knew she didn’t want to be with a guy who used it.

She felt lots of anxiety when she worried about him using porn. She was worried that he would turn out to be a cheater, just like her ex.

Her fears came from ideas like:

• I need to keep him sexually happy.
• I need to be super attractive, all the time.
• Men are weak.
• Men are gonna do whatever they want.

So, she took control of the situation. She figured she’d prevent him from using porn. Here’s how she did it.

She dressed up in cheerleader lingerie and had sex. Often. Even when she didn’t want to wear lingerie or have sex.

She felt relieved immediately afterward. She figured he was sexually satisfied and good to go. But, two days later, she’d be consumed with anxiety again.

This continued for a while. The anxiety — relief roller coaster.

During our coaching sessions, she realized she could never control the behavior of another person. Trying to control another person felt like hell.

So she took control of herself instead.

She decided to be very open and honest with her partner by telling him about her fears and triggers.

She decided to have her own back. If he didn’t want to talk about something that was super important to her, she’d leave the relationship.

She also decided to define “cheating” for herself and to like her reasons for thinking that way.

After long chats with him, she decided to trust him.

She worked on figuring out what she really wanted, sexually and otherwise.

She learned to let herself feel anxious. The more we processed it together, the less scary it seemed.

Now, she and her partner are closer than ever.

But it took lots of self-exploration, thinking, talking, and feeling.

So, if any of this sounds familiar, hang in there. You can overcome emotional baggage too!

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P.S. Having, or not having, hot, spicy, cheerleader sex with your partner doesn’t prevent cheating. Partners decide that all on their own.

P.S.S. See my story about the two kinds of baggage.